The Tip.It Times

Issue 27899gp

The Scaper's Pocket Dictionary

Written by and edited by MonkeyChee

RuneScape is complicated. There's almost 14 years of content to go through and, in spite of what our forum seems to think, it's not quite dead yet. While we players might be older and wiser than we once were, we are older. We have responsibilities which keep us from spending all of our time learning about the game. What follows is a helpful guide for old and new players, but a vital one for busy players: a resource to keep you all from having to spend the little time you have on relearning nonsensical terms that mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. Enjoy.

Armadyl: God of nice guys and DPS-starved Player-Killers. A pacifist that nonetheless loaned his name to three utterly devastating weapons and scored first blood in Sliske's popular post-modern production "God Wars II: Electric Boogaloo".

Bandos: Once the provider of the best mid-level equipment money could buy, now the world's largest paperweight.

Combat: The source of much of the conflict surrounding the game, both internal and external.

Dragons: One of the symbols of the fantasy genre (see also: sword, knight, magic). Also a docile and non-threatening organism with wholly vestigial wings. Often found around white-haired teenage nobles.

Experience: A number that signifies many things, including but not limited to: prowess in a skill, devotion to an ideal, time spent in-game, wealth outside of game, and [redacted by editors].

Free-to-Play: A class of player that has decided not to pay monthly for the privilege of being stepped on by the upper classes.

Gold: That which "makes the world go 'round", in spite of being considerably more common than cheap paper hats. Often found in the digestive systems of supernatural entities.

Hunter: A blight on the skill chart.

Incandescent Wisp: Divine energy that can be harnessed with level 95 divination.

Jagex: An unusual term who's meaning changes by the hour, usually used as a code phrase among initiates of a secret organization.

Kalphite: An oversized arthropod whose very existence suggests vast differences between the atmospheres of Earth and Gielinor.

Lore: (see: space bar)

Membership: A class of player that has decided to pay monthly for the privilege of being stepped on by the upper classes.

New Content: Widely agreed to be vastly inferior to old content on an unquestionable, objective level.

Old Content: The gold standard of all gameplay; past, present, and future.

Partyhat: A symbol of the upper classes, despite being worth less than the cheap paper they're made of. Highly sought after.

Quest: A collection of features numbering just under 200 which exist largely as a vehicle for the delivery of lore and minor rewards.

Rapier: A thin (frequently symbolic) sword made for thrusting that can greatly exceed the damage output of a cannon.

Skills: A collection of features that currently number in the high 20s which exist largely as a vehicle for the collection and measurement of experience.

Troll: A horrible, monstrous creature that defiles and despoils all it comes across, and also a species of humanoid found in the mountains near Relekka. No relation.

Undine: An entry that suggests the author has been playing the wrong game.

Villain: An amoral, greedy sociopath who exists largely for the player character to rob and beat without guilt during quests. Currently one of: Sliske, Saradomin, Zamorak, Zaros, or Bob the Cat. Largely indistinguishable from adventurers.

Water: A highly reflective blue plastic that coats 70% of the world. As it cannot be traversed on foot, it has long since been held as the final frontier by adventurers. The advent of portable port portals have opened these watery regions to anyone who can hire someone to ride a buoyant mass of wood. (See: sailing)

X: Dig here for your casket.

Yelps: A minor god of commerce who was ultimately betrayed by his closest follower and publicly sentenced to death.

Zaros: The Adventurer's quartermaster.

Do you have any thoughts or comments about this week's articles? Want to discuss these articles with your fellow RuneScapers? We invite you to discuss them in this forum topic.

Tags: Comedy

Will you use Menaphos to train your skills?

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