The Tip.It Times

Issue 29199gp

The News in Gielinor - 2014

Written by and edited by MonkeyChee


ADVENTURERS and diplomats have recently started to abandon human-held lands en masse as a result of the recent reopening of Pirfinndas, the Elven capital city. While human society has long since had a vague awareness of elves - usually presented in popular culture as tall, beautiful humans with a perfect society and incomprehensibly enormous egos - the city itself has remained closed for most of recent history and the true nature of this elusive species was left a mystery.

Preliminary reports from adventurers have revealed that this age-old stereotype is much closer to the truth than anyone could have imagined, and as such, kingdoms which once held more vagrant adventurers than tax-paying peasants have, for the first time since the Second Age, had a drought of heroes. Adventurer "LordsBlade245", a self-proclaimed Master of Everything, has stated that his reason for abandoning his hometown of Ardougne was that "It's cleaner, for one. I haven't stepped on any piles of filth - or worse, poor people - since I got here, and their houses are made of marble and crystal instead of dirt blocks and [excrement]."

Human rulers are worried about what a lack of adventurers could mean for safety and stability in their lands, especially in the wake of the recent revolution in Ardougne and the chaos that such a violent uprising left in its wake, and while the average life expectancy of guardsmen and women has increased by nearly fivefold, those in power are purportedly working on ways to attract adventurers back to their lands. Various court members and officials were contacted, but none would confirm or deny these rumors.


THE newest in a string of disturbing trends to surface among Gielinor's vagrant class is "examination", wherein one adventurer very closely looks at another's equipment, physique, and even personal activities, often in public. While some claim that adventurers have been participating in this activity for years, others are alarmed at the boldness that they have recently started to display. A concerned mother, who chose to comment on the condition of anonymity, has stated that "our children admire adventurers, but do we really want them to start staring at each other in the middle of our towns, broad daylight? Some of these people get close enough to see what they're wearing under those flashy outfits, if you know what I mean. That goes beyond just setting a bad example."

Others still have commented on the tactical value of this trend. Lucius Green, a highwayman with very little regard for personal space, explains that "Not only is it unnervin' as all hell, but you can see exactly what kind of protection the other person is carryin' around and whether they've got the [fortitude] to use it. No good gentleman would get in a fight 'e can't win, right? Right. Now stand and deliver. And don't even think about tryin' ta be a hero, now."


PRELIMINARY reports by the wizard tower have confirmed that, with a large amount of runes and a number of the mysterious "bonds", they were able to briefly open a portal to another Gielinor: specifically, one that existed eight years in the past. Religious leaders and concerned historians decried the attempt, claiming that attempts to alter the past were too dangerous, and managed to stop public funding for the project. The research continues, however, thanks to the efforts of an organization composed of some several thousand adventurers, who consider the past a lucrative, untapped resource.


WE still had some space left on the page, though, and Tip.It pays by the word.

Do you have any thoughts or comments about this week's articles? Want to discuss these articles with your fellow RuneScapers? We invite you to discuss them in this forum topic.

Tags: Comedy Player behaviour

Will you use Menaphos to train your skills?

Report Ad