The Tip.It Times

Issue 30399gp

Life Lessons from MMOs

Written by and edited by Arceus

It is a well-known fact that video games are highly educational. A skilled RuneScape player is well-versed in fields such as mathematics, economics, environmental science, philosophy, psychology, underwater basket weaving, and literature. And while we may be fond of saying that your time in-game is never wasted if you had fun, that simply isn't true. It's not wasted because every single facet of the game can accurately be applied to real life, as long as you have a tenuous grasp of reality and enough raw determination to make an anime hero look weak.

  • You're the main character, and so is everyone else.
  • Leadership is two parts charisma and one part actual talent. In a pinch, you can do away with the third part.
  • Romeo and Juliet does not have a happy ending. Spoilers: the teenagers die and then the whole story gets replaced.
  • Magic is never as cool as trashy fantasy novels make it look, and in fact, it both follows the laws of thermodynamics and is so restricted that it may as well just be weaponized science.
  • Weaponized science also exists, in the form of stimulants, advanced medieval-era weaponry, and more stimulants.
  • Mixing 16 different potions into two vials will give you all of their powers combined. It will also be a substance for which the terms "foul-tasting sludge" and "edible" would be exceedingly generous.
  • If someone insults you, your honor demands that you must challenge them to a duel. You don't have to actually go through with it, and the insult doesn't necessarily have to be real, but it's nice to show the people who's boss every now and then.
  • Yew actually exists. Evil Yew exists, too, but only grows on the grounds of Hitler's bunker.
  • Practice makes perfect. After you make a hundred thousand daggers, you will be really good at making daggers. You will also be really good at making full plate, and repairing cannons.
  • The economy is your friend. Like all friends, playing with it is a rewarding way to strengthen your relationship. And like all friends, sometimes it must be crushed under your heel in order to assert dominance.
  • Everyone needs raw materials. People only need one or fewer sword(s). Prices follow from that.
  • Every resource is highly renewable but limited by labor, as opposed to the real world where resources are highly limited and labor is not.
  • Insert sword to obtain gold. Repeat as necessary.
  • There are more rhinos alive in Gielinor than there are in the real world, and they're protected from poaching simply because the poachers have better things to do.
  • Shoving 28 whole tuna into your face is guaranteed to not give you mercury poisoning. Also, tuna are about the same size as lobster, and are not in fact giant sea-wolves.
  • Actually, would mercury be an issue in a fantasy setting? Unless the dwarves are dumping it in the oceans for some reason.
  • A stable food chain with nothing but apex predators and god-spawn is not only reasonable, but the norm. Bears are docile herbivores.

Finally, the Tip.It Times is not responsible for any consequences that may occur if you decide to follow these rules. While it is a well-known and indisputable fact that nobody on the internet lies, the author is a known liar who simply does not have your best interests at heart. We ask that you exercise caution when attempting any of this in the real world, and by that we mean that we hope you make your inevitable failure amusing to watch. Thank you, and have a nice day.

Do you have any thoughts or comments about this week's articles? Want to discuss these articles with your fellow RuneScapers? We invite you to discuss them in this forum topic.

Tags: Advice Comedy Game Mechanics

Will you use Menaphos to train your skills?

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