The Tip.It Times

Issue 16599gp

Behind the Scenes 2012

Written by and edited by MonkeyChee

Late last night, an unkempt man in a dark hooded shirt walked in to the Times offices. He was out of breath and dripping, as if he had just ran there during a rainstorm, which was a bit odd since it hasn't rained in weeks and a few people said they saw him come off the bus a few minutes before. He walked up to the nearest editor and said "Here's a Tip.It exclusive" before dropping a thick folder on the floor and running out of the building.

The folder seemed to contain several early drafts of Jagex's update plan for 2012; handwritten, folded, and occasionally coffee stained notes, straight from Jagex's offices. Knowing that this is the kind of thing that most Runescape Editorial writers could only dream of, we put together a basic 'Behind The Scenes' entry for the first six months of the coming year based on the most interesting entries (note: Only the ones that we could read. Someone at Jagex has terrible handwriting).

2012 will be a fresh start for us, and so we’re devoting the entire month of January to… Graphical updates! The entire game will be getting an overhaul, from the darkest depths of Dungeoneering to the peaks of White Wolf Mountain, and even the players themselves!

Last year, you saved the world by smashing the Slug Queen in Salt in the Wound. Though she remains truly and irreversibly dead, her legacy lives on in the mind of one crazed penguin. Help the Temple Knights stop Captain Marlin from dropping giant pillars on every major city in the next fully voiced and gripping entry in the Penguin story: Goldflipper. And no, you aren't getting new Temple Knight gear out of it.

This month, high level farmers can join the fight against their greatest foe yet! Dig deep into the new Oleracean Dungeon to solve farming-based puzzles and defeat Brassica Prime's avatar for herbs, seeds, and a chance to earn the powerful Black Stem ranged armour in our first ever non-combat boss fight! Requirements: 90 Farming and 10 Combat. Armour requires 80 Ranged and Defence.

Only Duradel and Chaeldar took Harpie Bug Swarms seriously. Though all slayer masters stocked bug lanterns, only those two assigned tasks of them. That all changed when an earthquake opened a new cave system in Karamja. High level slayers will be able to look forward to powerful new enemies that have a chance to drop the Dragon Warhammer! These enemies range from level 160 to the mighty Harpie Bug Queen at level 507 and require Slayer levels from 70 to 99. Players who have completed Contact! will find Keris to be very effective.

Editor’s note: The majority of this month’s entry was covered by a vulgar piece of artwork written in red pen. The administration would not let us post it, as doing so would violate the laws of 7 European countries. We do believe that the main update is ninja-related, however. Eastern Lands, perhaps?

Remember Monk’s Friend? What about Clock Tower? No? Neither did we. We can guarantee that their sequel will not have that problem. Experience one man’s quest to discover his purpose in life in our newest Grandmaster quest, Monk’s Brother, a tale of mystery, betrayal, and love that will change southern Ardougne forever, and prove that video games can be art. Requires 80 Prayer, Magic, and Farming; 70 Fishing; and 60 in all other skills, plus 250 quest points. A box of tissues is recommended, as this is the most emotional quest we have ever written.

Along with these were plans for new loyalty awards, the Easter event, and what looks like a drawing of a bear with a scimitar in the Duel Arena. Every month had "Stellar Dawn release" crossed out in red ink. There was one note that seemed to suggest that the year's theme will be "Take forgettable content and make it awesome", but a few of the words looked like they had tea spilled on them, and the ink ran. This was honestly the best we could do with it.

Do you have any thoughts or comments about this week's articles? Want to discuss these articles with your fellow RuneScapers? We invite you to discuss them in this forum topic.

Tags: Comedy Future Updates and Speculation

Will you use Menaphos to train your skills?

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