As your avatar, I don't usually get much of a chance to voice a complaint in how I'm used, but that doesn't mean I don't have any. I'd ask if this is a game to you, but I know it is. Unfortunately, a lot of your behaviors reflect on me, whether it's the hours of trimming the ivy on Lanthas's poor excuse for a castle and other tasks that I really should be getting paid for, risking my life for the new toy of the week, or having to play dumb to help people that neither of us really likes. We're both better than this.
Let's start with the simplest one: you're a monster. Don't believe me? Look at my thieving level, or how many guards, white knights, and citizens you've made me slaughter over your long career. There's not much separating you from the people you've fought to 'save' the world, and I'm genuinely curious about whether you fight other villains because you want to save people or if you just want to get rid of the competition, and it's equally surprising that nobody has tried to hand out a quest against you.
Now that we've got the important one out of the way, I want to ask why you're always sending me against the biggest and most dangerous monsters in the world. I know it looks fun, and sometimes it actually is, but all of those big hits that you've watched me shake off actually hurt, and I don't even want to talk about what happens with death. All for what, a few million gold split four ways? If food didn't heal me instantly that would barely be enough to cover the medical costs for everything you've put me through. The potions are even worse. In whatever world you inhabit, don't they have warnings about drugs? The last time I drank an attack potion I couldn't sleep for a week, and magic potions give me terrifying hallucinations. The very idea of an overload potion scares the pixels out of me.
Then there are the times where you force me to do the same thing for hours on end. I know that you don't have to pay attention for all of it, and you might have even had someone or something else cover you for most of it, but not all of us can watch anime when we're mixing poisonous and volatile herbs without any kind of protection. It's a strange sort of agreement; I do the work, you get the glory. And then we pay some of that money that I almost died for to get a cape that we'll wear for all of thirty seconds and forget about. If there's a method to your madness, I'd like to know what it is.
Every so often you send me out on a quest, like helping a cat down from a tree or escorting an old lady across the road. At least it starts that way, and then you make me fall for a trap that we're both smart enough to have seen coming and people start dying. At least risking our lives against monsters make sense, most of the people that have hired us in the past haven't paid well or only taught us a few things that we already knew. This is exactly what caused the Wise Old Man to rob that bank. Knowing that you put even less value on our lives and reputation makes me worried about how you'll try to top him.
Don't get me wrong, you're probably a better player than some of those other guys out there, and most of the time I enjoy working with you. These are the darker spots on an otherwise bright canvas, or something poetic like that. Neither of us is an artist, we're just here to kill things. Just keep this in mind next time you make me do your dirty work. Or at least let me sit down once in a while, standing for days on end is about as tiring as you'd think.
[your username here]